i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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