you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
