ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
