Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
