Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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