I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
