party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
