I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
