We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
