I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
