Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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