I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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