I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
