He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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