Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
