Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
