I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
