"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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