I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
