I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
