so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
