I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
