Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
false alarm. still invincible.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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