i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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