dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
