Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
