Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Randomize
