i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
