He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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