if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
