According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
