don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
