I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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