My hand turned me down
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
be right there i have to get my cape
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
