Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
