um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
