he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Green mimosas i think yes
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
