Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
