Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
