She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just want to make out with him forever
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
