did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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