remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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