I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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