Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
