Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just forgot I was standing up.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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