So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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