the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
