I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
