i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
