i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
