So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
